We got the official diagnosis of Autism. The psychologist was awesome, so sweet and thorough. She kept saying how beautiful Jais was.
Jais did well with the evaluation. He’s improved so much. However, his social interaction is still off the charts behind. Having a final official diagnosis is sobering. I didn’t think I would be upset because we’ve been researching and reading and dealing with this for over a year now. But, I am upset. I feel bad for being upset. I feel like I’m betraying Jais by being disappointed. I guess somewhere deep inside I hoped we would go to the doctor and they would say “he’s normal”. Or a more PC term “neuro-typical”. And again, because I hoped for that, I feel like I’m betraying my baby. I love Jais, I love Jais more than I could ever explain in any way. I love who he is. He’s not “normal” he’s extraordinary! He’s an angel on earth. I am sad for the challenges I know we’ll face together. I mourn the loss of experiences we’ll never have, things that too many people take for granted. I don’t know what Jais’s prognosis will be. And I am far too hopeful and optimistic to believe that Jais will have anything less than everything he deserves. I just know it will be a long road. But, please don’t misunderstand, I wouldn’t trade Jais for any neuro-typical child in the world. Seriously. What Jais gives me is more than any other child ever could. He strengthens my faith, challenges my patience, makes me a better person. I am more loveable, more understanding, more caring, and my life is filled with a potpourri of joys I never knew existed. I love the way Jais helps me to see life. Together we will continue on this journey, we will fight side by side, and we will embrace this life, come what may.
I’m allowing myself to be a little sad, only because I know what will come if I don’t. I’m blessed to have such a sweet husband by my side to pick me up when I fall. He is a man who can stand beside me and love Jais and Charlise for exactly who they are, but can also hope with me, for more, for everything. And yet, be thankful for what we have, and feel just as blessed with or without that everything that may or may not come. Jais was given to me by God. God knew I would know what to do with such a special angel. He knew that I could give this angel the life he deserved and help him find his purpose in life. He has special gifts to give. He may not be able to talk just yet, but he brings joy to all he comes across. Right now this is his gift. How lucky I am to be a recipient of this love and joy. And how lucky I am to be the caretaker of such a beautiful creature. I love you Jais, so much.
This Dixie Chicks song is one of my favorites, and I have added the names of my children and sing it to them every night. Jais has begun to join me in singing it, and we do our own sign language. Both Jais and Charlsie have gotten so good at the song, and smile so big when we sing it. It is my and Chris’s favorite time of the day.
“Dragon tales and the water is white, pirates sail and lost boys fly. Good night moon will find the mouse, and I love you.
God Speed Jais and Charlise
Sweet Dreams Jais and Charlise